The fear of man and early childhood development

This past Sunday, we examined and discussed the fear of man. We are way too dependent on the approval of others so, consequently, we fear losing it. I believe early childhood crisis or trauma does impact our need for approval today. Allow me to explain.

Human development is kind of like building a house of cards; you can't skip steps. Our growth can easily be stunted if we fail to receive what we need when we need it. Of course, no one is perfectly nurtured in the developmental process and we all move on and function in some capacity (in many cases, function well). But this functionality often masks the the unmet need that will emerge in our lives at some time.

It's quite common for people who've experienced significant rejection or trauma as a child to crave the praise of man in exorbitant ways. Children largely receive their self-definition through identification with their parental figures (this is in contrast to adolescence where identity is largely determined in contrast to parental figures). So when there is crisis in the home (like divorce or the death of a family member) or rejection from parents, children aren't able to take these normal developmental steps in self-identification; these issues either prevent children from receiving what they need or confuse them greatly.

We really can't skip steps in our development. Therefore, people who experience such rejection or crisis often crave the acceptance and approval of others because they've "missed out" on it as a child. This can be manifested in many ways, but very typically its seen through an obsession with being "OK" or "acceptable" in the minds of others. but like all human efforts for approval, its never enough.

Now, why am I bringing this up? Because it's always important to understand the dynamics at work in our lives. Unless we are aware of the problem, we're not able to address it.

I'm not making excuses for the fear of man. The fear of man isn't "OK" just because someone had early childhood rejection or trauma. But to grow and experience the transforming power of the Gospel, we need to know where and how to apply God's grace. God's grace is enough in every circumstance.

If you think this possibility might be connected to your fear of man, what's needed is the willingness to be honest this trauma, the willingness to accept and grieve this loss and then to apply the promises and provisions of God. Oftentimes we need help getting started so don't hesitate asking for help if needed.

Pastor Brian